My kids, long distance and our happiness
Breaca (Bree-kaa) was an emergency delivery at home. The midwife laughed when we called and said “I will hear from you in about 6 hours”, then hearing the panic in her voice 40 minutes later when we called to say she’s crowning. 10 minutes after I delivered Breaca, the ambulance arrived. Another 10 minutes and the midwife joined us also, finding Mum and I drinking a celebratory Bailey’s holding Breaca in bed.
My son, Oisin (Usheen) was nearly as quick. We made it to the hospital with less than 5 minutes to spare and I delivered him also. Mum’s possibly life threatening need to deliver in a hospital a non event thankfully.
Everything became an adventure from there on. My greatest joy in being able to be a dad, with my kids and I becoming the best of friends.
Life’s a strange journey and I became a solo dad 50% of the time. Our new basement flat an occasional overnight base between kids school, my work, and weekend adventures -camping, fishing, bush walks, skate parks, and as much as we could do. Any spare time not working, (and a generous employer who let me take my kids to work), was time for and with my kids. Our happy place.
An agreed opportunity for Breaca and Oisin to spend a few years living on the other side of the world with their mum, to get to know that side of the family. A crash course for me in finding new ways my kids and I could continue our happiness. My good friend Samuel, flatting with me helping me to adjust. Acceptance of the new norm and changing my life to make time together a possibility with our global shift.
To change from a known pattern and routine that brought happiness to achieving happiness in this new way of being was difficult. I sub-consciously was not letting go of how it was and accepting the here and now to get back on the path to happiness. My then 9 year old daughter Breaca made me realise one day how simple it was. We all love each other and in that there was no doubt. A simple message or call to reaffirm we still shared that love and we were there for each other. My son Oisin’s beaming 6 year old smiles on social media chats confirming this.
For me my kids innocence and pure love taught me as an adult (apparently a grown up?) that sometimes to really be able to truly love and share happiness we need to be able to recognize accept and leave the past where it is and embrace the here and now. Trying to wish it is as it was and fighting the reality of how it is now is self destructive and simply works against the possibility of what we wish we have. Taking ownership. Being honest first to ones self and then to all. Acceptance.
My happiness is in being able to love my kids, no one and nothing can take that. More happiness is knowing my kids love me. My happiness is we all have a realistic understanding of our here and now, and we have learnt to not over promise and try to never under deliver on our future promises. Especially me as dad, in not confusing the issues of others and complications of past relationships and circumstance and making all of it change and fit to the here and now. And the promise of the visits that would and have happened to give us physical time together. Forgetting blame and hate, giving forgiveness regardless and offering apologies unreservedly. Sucking it up and owning it. Not letting those distractions blur the aim of keeping the love and happiness.
Knowing we share what we do, absolutely love, and making the most of our circumstance is happiness. Happiness that with honesty, loyalty and time only gets better.